#GOALS
4 Years with Him, and What I've Learned
November 19, 2017, makes our fourth year together. Now, don't leave just yet! This post isn't meant to be too mushy, as I'm sure you are fearing... The goal of this post is to reach those of you who may be feeling like your relationship (or the possibility of a relationship) may not live up to your expectations.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret that I've learned: THE OTHER PERSON IS NOT (entirely) THE PROBLEM. The problem stems from the word, "expectation".
I'm talking about a little trend called, #GOALS.
Something living up to this belief that other people are living the "ideal" life or relationship, is a little ridiculous if you ask me. Now, there is nothing wrong with having standards. Goals, however, are not standards.
I'm not here to tell you what to believe, but I am going to give you some examples of expectations that I do believe in, and some that I don't.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT:
1. Men should always initiate.
If I personally believed this one, Keanu may have never spoken to me, hung out with me, or even kissed me! Ladies, BE BRAVE! Who says you have to wait for a guy to make a move? If you feel that spark in your heart, and that feeling in your gut that whispers, "maybe," why shouldn't you feel empowered to do/say something about it?
2. He should shower you with gifts.
I do not believe that this one is for everyone. Ever heard of the Five Love Languages? It's a book that explains the five "love languages" everyone has and helps you figure out which is your primary language to help you improve all relationships!
Gifts do not rank very high on my scale, as opposed to acts of service. Taking this test with Keanu not only helped me understand what I want but also what He wants and helped us to communicate better with each others' primary language.
So if you're expecting someone to shower you with gifts and they don't, doesn't mean they don't love you. They may just have a different love language than you do.
3. If he doesn't show you off, he doesn't love you.
Again, if you have someone who does show you off, this isn't to put your man, or your relationship, down. I believe that some men just aren't as affectionate as others, and THAT'S OKAY.
Communication is VITAL in a healthy relationship. If you feel he should be showing you off on social media, then express your feelings. However, if he doesn't feel the need to, do not take it personally. Telling everyone else that you guys are together may not be a priority for him, and that's okay. Just because other people don't see how he spoils you, doesn't mean that he doesn't (as long as he shows it to you in other ways).
4. You must love the same things.
Honestly, if I believed in this one, my relationship with Keanu would've been doomed from the start.
Keanu loves: cars, hunting, cars, fishing, cars, and did I mention cars?
I love: photography, cooking, planners, Target, and romance movies.
We don't share a lot of the same primary interests, but we do love and support each other. I may not be able to memorize cars, car parts, tool names, hunting facts, and I most definitely do not have any type of gun knowledge. What I can do, though, is listen to Keanu talk about the things he loves. I can go with him on car rides to look at different hunting areas. I can ride with him to a shooting range and wait while he tests his ammo. I may not be personally passionate about the things he is passionate about, but I can be there for him.
And the same goes for Keanu. He doesn't use a planner, he actually hates Target, doesn't watch romance movies, won't do the dishes after I cook, and doesn't really know how to take pictures with my DSLR. He does, however, love my cooking, take me to Target when I need a buddy, watch animation movies with me, and he has gifted me both of my prime lenses.
You don't have to love the same things, but you do have to love each other enough to understand them.
I BELIEVE THAT:
1. You should marry a man that makes you laugh.
Laughter is so important in a relationship. I feel that laughing in front of someone is a vulnerable part to show. Plus, finding someone that has the same sense of humor as you do makes everything better. I believe that someone who makes you laugh is just as important as someone who you can talk to for hours. If you plan on living the rest of your life with someone, wouldn't it be better spent laughing endlessly and talking about life?
2. He should support you (besides financially).
I already went over this one in number four of my "I DON'T BELIEVE" list, so I won't make you read another explanation.
3. Fighting is healthy.
NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT.
Please don't believe that not fighting is normal. I believe that there are healthy and not-so-healthy ways to argue.
Fighting through an argument to get to a solution is so important in any relationship. If you can't communicate properly with the other person, it's going to be a challenge. Understanding that everyone processes differently will help you grow in patience for one another. It's never going to be "perfect", but it can get better.
4. You should have the same beliefs.
Whether it be about what religion you believe/practice (it's biblical, Y'all), or if you want to have children, your belief about marriage, how to raise children, or just your basic morals, as a couple in a relationship, you cannot compromise your beliefs for anyone else.
You cannot change him. People can only change if they want to change.
I'd hate for any of you to put off your needs to have kids and marry someone who never wanted to have kids anyway (or anything similar to this example). You may be able to love your husband through it, but you may not be living your life to the 100% happiness you expected.
Sometimes you have to be selfish. Think of your personal needs/wants for your future, and make sure you are both on the same page.
In no way do I believe that my relationship with Keanu is perfect, but we work towards perfection and have become perfect for each other more with each passing day.
I pray that you would find happiness, fulfillment, and love in your perfect someone who loves Jesus because Jesus is the only example of perfect, unfailing love.
“I spent a lot of time searching for affection in shallow spaces, but once I let go of trying to shove puzzle pieces in places that did not fit, I met you.”
