Welcoming Change

Okay, I'll admit it: Posting a blog at the beginning of the year about resolutions and change is so cliché, that you and I both may vomit. Think about it, though, how many of us actually want to change? Even those of us who do want to change, in actuality we don't want to because of the very dangerous state of being comfortable. 

Changing for the better is something all of us strive for, and very few of us actually achieve that goal. This year, I want to challenge myself (and anyone reading this) to do it. To go out of their way to be so passionately moved to change this year. There have been countless days, months, and years of trying to be more organized, or to be healthier, or to be kinder and somehow I end up back where I started.

At my home church, we're proclaiming this year to be the Year of Change, and I'm inspired, motivated, and loved in the direction of change. So to keep myself accountable, I will include a list of my personal goals for this year, 2017. At the end of the year, I plan on coming back to this list and reflecting on the goals I've met, and evaluating the worth of the ones I haven't met.

I challenge you to do the same. We're in this together.

1. To commit to something

I am so famous for buying tablets, filling out the first ten or so pages, and then storing it somewhere as a loss. This year, I want to give up my quitter ways and commit to this blog. I fully believe that as I enter this new year, as I grow in my relationship with Christ, He will bless me and guide me in putting Him first in all that I do. This blog may become something bigger than what I intend it to be.

2. Drink more water, exercise, and other healthy habits.

Okay, so I am the worst at drinking water. I recently downloaded a free app to log my water intake, and some days I barely drink a single bottle of water (16.9oz). Being as I have been blessed with this absolutely adorable tumbler, how could I not make it a point to drink more water? I've also purchased a workout app that I am certain to let the money spent to be motivated to make use of this thing, cause I know that if it were free there's nothing to lose. And lastly, as the tumbler states, "always be yourself." I believe that finding self-worth is a huge healthy habit to have, and I am set to find my own.

 3. Stop making excuses, and just explore the world.

On the first Monday of 2017, I was invited to a morning hike that I wasn't entirely on-board with. I hesitated, almost didn't go, and as soon as an opportunity to opt-out came to, I jumped on it! Thankfully though, that didn't work, and I got picked up at 7:15 am. Through the drive over, I was still full of doubts and worries of not having fun, being ignored, and regretting the loss of sleep. In the end, I walked a total of 11,000 steps by 1:00 pm, slipped in mud, caught so many Pokémon, killed my phone to 2%, went to a winery for the first time, and laughed so hard I literally farted. Needless to say, it was totally worth it and I haven't regretted going for a single second. It made me realize how many times I've decided to not go somewhere, or not do something, based on the people involved or the circumstances, and I don't want to cut myself short of these kinds of memories ever again.

4. Stop trying so hard for people, who aren't trying as hard as I am.

 This one is going to be the hardest of them all for me. Though the others are quite the struggle, this one involves feelings, and I am the worst at dealing with those. There have been pieces of myself I've lost as a result of choosing other people before choosing what's best for me, and I don't want to do that anymore. I've sacrificed my physical, mental, and emotional health for other people and haven't really received the same in return. This year, I plan on putting a limit on my effort. It doesn't mean I'm giving up on people, what it means is that I'm going to do my share of putting in an effort to make plans or to make time for people, and nothing more than that.
Oftentimes, I would repeatedly ask, bother, pester, and beg people for their time, drop whatever I was doing to see them, and even sacrifice my sleep for them (and for those who know me, I love to sleep). As I struggled with pleasing these people, I sought out help, and while explaining my excessive attempts to make other people happy, they made me realize how tiring that was. I was doing way too much for people who couldn't see my attempts as something worth anything, and I still struggle with this. The fear of losing friends, the fear of the negative ways people might think about me, the fear of hurting peoples' feelings, it was crippling. I was frustrated, tired, and unhappy with myself.

Finding my worth, really thinking about what I want and what makes me happy, vocalizing what makes me unhappy, and being conscious of myself as much as I am of others, will be the biggest journey.